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Pick at the pops: 21 May 2007

Our weekly round-up of the weird and wonderful world of pop music...

It’s a story that’s been played out for centuries: schoolgirl writes a diary, catty girl gets hold of it and starts reading bits out – and the whole thing descends into bitching and scratching. In this case, Lily Allen’s diary is MySpace, and Cheryl Cole has an entire world’s media for a megaphone. Brilliant, isn’t it? Lily has remarked sarcastically that “marrying a rich footballer must be so gratifying” but Cheryl - after uttering a few choice words, mind you – has insisted she could say plenty, but “I left school a long time ago and have no time for this”. She seems to be finding time every day, to be fair, and bravo to that.

Both seem the soul of restraint next to dirty old r’n’b perv R Kelly, who has announced that “my greatest competition is, well, me”. He didn’t specify what the exact contest is, but we can think of a few categories where he would indeed excel – Youngest Wife, Most Close-Together Eyes, that sort of thing. He continued to say that he’s “the Marvin Gaye of today, the Bob Marley of today, the Martin Luther King of today… and a lot of people are starting to realise this”. Let’s meet these “people” then, R, assuming they’re allowed out in society.

Shocking news came last week with the announcement that doddery wild man of rock Ozzy Osbourne is to be honoured on Birmingham’s Walk of Stars. The shock, of course, being that Birmingham has a Walk of Stars. Well, it’s new: in fact, Ozzy will be the first star, and it raises intriguing possibilities of future recipients – UB40? Napalm Death? The campaign starts here!

Nice to see that some old rock stars are in touch with The Kids: The Rolling Stones warmed everyone’s cockles with the news that they demanded £1m to play Glastonbury, to which Michael Eavis said “er, no”; meanwhile Ringo Starr, former drummer with popular beat combo The Beatles, says he prefers their Revolver or the White Album to Sgt Pepper – ooh, controversial… except everyone decided this decades ago. Much more in tune with her fans is young Britney Spears, who has thanked everyone who supported her through “recent difficulties” via a photo on her website – in which she’s utterly starkers but for a pair of gloves. Don’t mention it, Britters.

Matthew Horton

Picture: Big Pictures

• 14/05/2007: Eurovision carve-up shame >>
• 08/05/2007: How is Kurt Cobain still writing diaries? >>
• 30/04/2007: Bez and Mani? It's 1990 all over again >>
• 23/04/2007: MC Hammer inspires Arctic Monkeys >>
• 16/04/2007: Your planet is safe in Madonna's hands >>
• 10/04/2007: Kaiser Ricky fights for pop double standards >>
• 02/04/2007: Weller vs Sting in battle of the spittle >>
• 26/03/2007: Jagger and Trousersnake snubbed >>
• 19/03/2007: Ray Quinn and the death of pop >>
• 12/03/2007: The Jackson Five eye some filthy lucre >>
• 05/03/2007: George is on his way to Wembley >>
• 26/02/2007: Mel C holds up Spice reunion >>
• 19/02/2007: Joss Stone's big love >>
• 12/02/2007: Lily conquers America >>
• 05/02/2007: Oasis to meet Ringo at last >>
• 29/01/2007: Amy Winehouse wows the Savoy >>
• 22/01/2007: Chris Martin: the B-Boy >>
• 15/01/2007: Whitney auctions her belongings >>
• 08/01/2007: The Police to reform? >>
• 02/01/2007: James Brown RIP >>
• 2006 archive >>